What do you do when your idea of loyalty feels ancient and impossible in a society that rewards detachment and swiping next?
We’re weak for lust, desire and quick hits of dopamine. There’s no graft, no patience left. Perhaps that’s a strong statement to make but we can’t deny the feeling inside.
Many of us are in the same boat. Modern dating is exhausting. The apps take no effort and those who are lucky to find a partner online are few and far between. Fast developing technology has us overstimulated at the best of times and as much as some are finding it difficult to keep up, we have it, it’s here to stay and there isn’t anything that’s going to take us back.
There are some questions that arise though. Does the text culture help build connection or dilute it? Feeling lonely can be solved at the click of a button and maybe fill the hole temporarily but there’s only so long that perfuming our image to have ourselves look and seem ten times better than we actually are can last. Beauty fades, clothes go out of fashion. It’s always been this way.
Whilst Gen Z is the most free generation, it’s also the one with no purpose and the highest anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. We have a great sense of individualism and self-government, yet most of us don’t actually think for ourselves. We think in terms of TikTok sounds, memes and hyper reality. Our world is beginning to reflect the internet, the algorithm quietly becoming our choice maker.
Brain rot culture seems to be pushing us further away from community and strength and quickly towards a shallow and easily manipulated society. When we have all this feeding our energy and streaming fast into our consciousness it's easy to get lost amongst the mass confusion.
After speaking with some of the last generation to grow up without internet, that impending doom didn’t seem so apparent. They grew up outside, interacting with the immediate world around them, seeking meaning and having that space to be introspective. Or not. It was there though, that mental space.
Inviting in realness is sacred, vulnerable and raw. Many are choosing to stay single and prioritising self-development and accomplishments over a relationship or marriage, perhaps because now we have more agency over who we choose to spend our time and energy with, and maybe, not spend it with anyone at all.
Back in the days of marriage being number one, which still is now in so many cultures, not being married was a sign of something going terribly wrong in your life. We in the West are quickly letting this ideology fade and have long stepped into the paradox of choice. Having option anxiety is fuelling our inflated egos, match obsession and ranking via likes. We are wilfully ignorant though; we are pretty aware that we are doomscrolling, ghosting and acting out for a fabricated world, yet we continue to go on chasing that dragon, dopamine being our breath of fire. Once you start, it’s hard to quit.
Feeling like a cog in the machine, that thumb working your screen becomes the norm and before you know it, it’s a vicious cycle and you don’t even want to know the real you.
And now, I’m thinking, in a world where we have the freedom to choose our lives, to leave, to start over, there is still a surge of infidelity or sneaking around instead of just simply walking away. Does it stem from those feelings of being once cherished being submerged in the murky waters of a stagnant relationship or is it about starting a game where only one person wins?
Once you checkmate trust, your connection can take a dark turn from what once was innocent vulnerability shared into a battleground for control. Moves made from within the shadows, secrecy becoming your skill. By the time you realise there is a game being played, your agency is gone because you’ve been placed on the board as a piece.
As destructive as this all can be, I do believe in our human ability to grow, shift sides and understand our actions at a deeper level. Self-reflection and accountability are well within reach for every single one of us. Not everything needs to be black and white and unravelling the layers of love is a lifelong pursuit.
I'm still hopeful we can transform and transmute the numbness into sentience and that this is just a glitch in our evolution. Whilst I see many flaws, I'm also proud to see many colours, shapes and sizes and discoveries.
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