A PLACE WITH NO MIRRORS AND NO CLOCKS

The journey out of Bangkok was bitter sweet; After getting scammed by a very smiley tuk tuk driver, I felt a little deflated yet still excited that I'd had a cracking few days in the city and was now headed to a quieter place. The bus journey was long and my legs were squished for 10 hours straight with one stop although the bus was a lot more lush that I imagined it to be. We touched down in Chiang Mai around 5 30 am and instantly I felt a sense of calm take over my body, Chiang Mai is a city in the north of Thailand which I'm keen to explore as I left a few hours after arriving. I was picked up by a Scottish man and his lady who kindly took me up in to the beautiful hills of Pai. I had always dreamed of riding in the back of a pick up truck in a foreign country and take in some beautiful scenery. Well my dream came true and the view was like something out of avatar, I couldn't believe my eyes, it took away my car sickness as much as it took my breath away. After a 3 hour drive we pulled into  Pai river jam hostel where I am now staying in hammock. I'd only ever heard stories about life in the swing and was eager to see how long I withstand it, and still am. It's very chilled and I am right on the river so the constant flow of water keeps me at a very peaceful level, the hammock itself is comfortable but I was not prepared for the cold and condensation that sets upon this town at night. Now that the floating bed is filled with blankets, I sleep a lot better and am not waking up at 5am freezing my ass off.

 After a week, I noticed huge improvements in my mood and my natural rhythm, there  is no pulling blinds down or blocking out noise, so you must get up when the sun is out and get moving, I am definitely feeling more talkative and friendly too. I like that there's no where to hide, nowhere to be but in the present moment. Pai is for sure a special place, people come here and they stay, it's like all is complete for a while, you've got all the elements surrounding you and its a free flowing space full of artists and a lively energy. With this can come some chaos though, people gravitate towards this environment and can get very easily stuck in it, the saying around here is don't fall into the 'Pai hole' and I can understand why. It's a place where you are surrounded by all the elements, the river, pulsating earth, the sun is strong although it comes out only at around 10am, until then it is cloudy and fairly cold at this time of year, but once its out I'm glad to get a breeze every now and then. A lot of people flock to Pai for its nature and freedom which is well rounded by the 24 hour soundtracks boasting dub, reggae, psychedelic, rock and latin sounds. The people here all seem to be looking for an environment of either tranquility or pure hedonism. 

There's not too many restrictions which allows us to feel we are in control of our lives. I have been camping for the past couple of weeks and the thing that has struck me most is the community that I never knew I wanted so badly. People here are together, at least our crew that we've created is. We share everything, we cook together, dance together and check in on one another constantly. There isnt any other feeling than the one of having a sense of belonging. Now, I know this doesn't always last and that we are still humans and its not all pretty, there's been a fair amount of tension and also some fights, trouble in paradise, they call it. For the most part though, its free flowing and quite real, I'm not really sure what words to use to best describe the feeling. I've learnt alot about letting go throughout this time so far, heartbreak abroad isn't as bad as in a cold country though, when your heart is pulling and the cold is chilling your bones, its just a doomed feeling, here though, I feel I can move through it easier because there is plenty time to rest and heal, this one won't leave a scar though, it's more of a heart awakening, which sometimes requires breakage.

 There's many different types of heart break, and I'm quite happy to let this one flow and teach me what it is I need to learn. I came here with intention and i'll leave achieving what it is I take from this journey, skills in fire performance, an idea of what kind of lifestyle aligns with me and where exactly it is I want to live. This is hard to keep focus on when there's so many hippies and beautiful things to see around you, but I've definitely had the push I needed to get out of my comfort cage and into my zone. I've found forms of love here I didn't know existed and I know when I leave here I can take with me what I want to carry, we can choose what baggage we carry with us, I never knew it until I packed up my 'life' into a bag and decided that is all I wanted to take, nothing more. Living mostly outside is not only all roses though, I had my first period outside and I could've booked a private place to stay yet I wanted to test my resilience and see how I felt being so exposed in my pain. To my surprise, so many people approached me calmly and knew exactly what was needed to ease the pain, instead of a hot water bottle, I used a hot rock, this worked very well and it was a man that came up with the idea! What surprised me more though was how in sync we became as women, we all bled one day after the other and it was like a domino effect, this confirmed to me that there is a great synchronicity happening and we are truly quite fascinating creatures. 

The first thing I got told when arriving on the campground in Pai was ''Don't touch the dogs, they will bite you". This excited me further as I realized I was in a place where there isn't a lot of restriction. If you visit a place with heavy domestication and control over the animals, this will give you the signal that the same applies to the people. The dogs here are usually Ridgebacks or Bangkaews and they run wild through the streets having to answer to no one, if you leave them alone, they will usually reciprocate although you might get the occasional bark or snarl. Saying that, I have seen some of the cutest puppies and also met a couple who have come back 3 years in a row and still been recognized by the a pack of dogs that they had fed a couple of times. 

Theres not been a moment where boredom has taken over, there's always something to see or hear.  The musical talent that one comes across is outrageously good, devilish almost, because the atmosphere and sounds are so addicting.  There is so many creatives here and it just offers such an abundance in floaty feelings and endless possibilities or avenues to express yourself. I have been here for two weeks and witnessed some really impressive performances from circus acts to live bands,  I have met some very real people that I have cried with and danced with as though I'd known them all my life, I have tasted flavors that rolled around my tongue for days. Through all of this enjoyment though there has been someone who's pushed me deeper into my purpose and onto a path of learning and giving. Her name is Pi Gao, she has lived a very eventful life and is a respected member of a motor cycle gang, she has a great smile and short red hair, is loud and strong and the moment I saw her I fell head over heels and decided I wanted to work in her kitchen which is at Paradise bar, a lovely cocoon at the top of a hill which hosts incredible circus nights, workshops and jam sessions. The kitchen is right to the back and walking in there is like entering another dimension, there's pots and pans everywhere ( as expected ) and they are surrounded by  tons of empty bottles of Sangsom, a Thai rum with a huge kick to it. Her kitchen it quite literally a melting pot of culture, laughter, spice but no health and safety regulations, its a miracle people aren't totally ill all the time here, I'm great ful for my strong stomach. Pi Gao is an exceptional woman, shes smart, fun and a master in her cooking. She cooks on her own but has help in the prep from me and a couple of other girls, her energy is magnetic and she attracts all sorts of people from all over the world, it is clear to me that she has done so much good in her life because she has a lot of people around her now that are willing to bend over backwards for her, which she shows upmost gratitude for. It took a few days of showing up and nagging for her to take notice and let me in to the kitchen, but now that I'm in, I just can't get enough of it all and am excited  to continue this culinary journey over the next few weeks and meet some more incredible people.

It's not all groovy in Pai though, there's definitely potential for people to get lost in the sauce here as there is weed and mushrooms at their disposal and it is a essentially a space created for a free lifestyle.  It's a beautiful paradise like town, with so much to see and experience but it's also a place with no mirrors and clocks, no time to catch and no reflection to remind you of who you are.

Love, Layla